Too Black for B.E.T. : Episodes I and II



Here it is! Episodes I and II of Jayson Scott Musson of Plastic Little’s Too Black for B.E.T. finally collected into a single volume. 36 black and white posters that teem with art magic! It’s as if Musson made a pact with Satan, and Satan, taking a liking to Mr. Musson, gave the artist dark powers which no mortal should possess. Gasp in terror as you descend into a world of perversion, dereliction, depression, apathy of the highest order, chemical addiction, Harry Potter, racism, sexism, whatever it is when you hate the shit out of children, shoegaze music, and the general moral relativism Mr. Musson has used throughout his life to justify acting however the fuck he wants to act because he’s a grown ass man. Somehow art is born out of this combination of self-obsession and an ego so great that it borders on the realm of Tolkien-esque fantasy.

Too Black for B.E.T.: Episodes I and II sports an elegant matte finish that’s so elegant that you’ll need Mr. Belvedere, Jeffery from the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire, and Batman’s butler Alfred to each give you a high class hand job (or satisfactory fingerlingus) in order to feel worthy of touching the book. Oh, the book is really funny too. And there’s also stuff about politics in it too. But mostly, Too Black for B.E.T. is just some crazy donkey sex type shit. The best toilet reading passing as art since the Bible!

17.00 USD

Black Like Me



In 2007, the Philadelphia Weekly made the mistake of giving me a weekly column in which I was allowed to write almost anything I wanted. WOOPSIES! I’ve collected all 29 of my columns here in this ril’ perty zine for the first time in their original, uncensored format before the editor at the Philly Weekly chopped them all up for the sake of palatability. Looking back through them sure did offer many chuckles. I hope I, can make you, laugh, friend. Because laughing is the true gate to heaven… yikes… did I just say ‘gate to heaven’? I must be getting old.

Also, Black Like Me is still currently running on the internet at freenewsprojects.blogspot.com. So if you have time, please check it out.

8.00 USD

TXT MSG



This small, hand-made zine is a collection of roughly 40 text messages from my phone’s in-box that I recorded over the course of the summer in 2006. These messages, separated from their original context (the original message I sent), become similar to poetry, bodies of text that serve no purpose other than that of language itself, but of course you already knew that because you’re so smart. Varying in content and tone, these messages perfectly capture the ups and downs of one summer in my uneventful, yet somehow event filled life.

5.00 USD

Individual Illustrations



These illustrations are Ink Jet printed on archival paper. They vary slightly in size, but come no larger than 8X10. Please describe the illustration you would like in your email, and trust me, if you describe it I'll know which one you mean. These make nice, non-offensive gifts for parents and loved ones. But don't get the Mr. Penis Face for your parents unless they're some cool ass, reefer smoking, Miles Davis loving, liberal ass parents.

20.00 USD

Personal Daily Affirmation

Yes! Today is Your Day!
You're Greatest Enemy is Doubt! And Doubt is Nothing but Oubt with a D!

For a mere 3$, I will email you a positive affirmation for the day that will affix within you the courage and determination that you need to crush those who oppose you with a George W. Bush like ferocity. Weapons of Mass Destruction? Iraqi Freedom? It matters not! Your enemy is your enemy and any excuse will do to step on them. Let my gift of language assist you in your stepping.

3.00 USD

(In Haiku 5.00 USD)

Kurt says:
"Get Your Dick Out The Ceiling!!"
That roughly translates to "I'm standing by to take your orders!"